On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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