Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
