she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
