The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
