The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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