he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
