Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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