i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
