birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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