But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
