i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
