Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
