I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
