Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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