Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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