By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
