dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize