don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can I color on your dick again?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
