Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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