3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
