you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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