dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
