yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm so fucking centered right now
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
