After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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