He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
