Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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