I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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