she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize