be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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