Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
