I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize