I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
