Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
