I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
