Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
