why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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