i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
