I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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