just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
