So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
