Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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