pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
