Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
