The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
