I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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