she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
