He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
