You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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