I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
