My nipple is on Facebook.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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