We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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