I think I died a long time ago.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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