I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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