dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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