This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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