Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
