I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
