her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
