I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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