Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
