We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
