Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
