I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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